Coincidences in Life

It seems my meeting spot for strangers these days is platform 9 Flinders Street Station.

I had a job interview today which went relatively well. I shot out straight away to remove any "post interview jitters" and absorbed the world around me as I was walking from Spencer Street to Elizabeth. Did some retail therapy and headed home.

As I was approaching the platform, at the top of the steps there stood the same young man I was in the interview with. So... I say "hi!"
"hi... what a coincidence!"
"Where are you heading?"
"Williamstown."
"OMG..."

Enough said.

Another Chapter of My Life Just Past

As nice as it was being able to think I had met someone near perfect - "the one that got away" - it was not perfect. Wrong timing means something, it means a lot!

Mr. F was a good experience. Now I understand better what I want and need from a man. A friend said to me (Thanks Lam):
"When you meet the right person everything falls into place. You don't have to change or adjust yourself because you're at equilibrium. They can read you and you can read them and it just gets better as time goes on. "
And as Leunig says:
"Some couples are the salt of the earth,
Some are the salinity;
But the salt and pepper shaker couples:
They achieve...
DIVINITY."

When I meet the right man it will be the right time in my life. I don't have to be looking or searching for him. We will be created perfectly for each other at that time. I don't expect love at first sight but everything should fall into place. (lol hopefully i won't have pimples and cold sores too!) Mr. F taught me a few things and i'm thankful for it. I believe my heart can still love endlessly; no matter how much it has been hurt. I need to think before I speak (although I usually do, I think i was just trying to push him away). You need "SPARK" when you meet a person. (I've met someone I spark with but nothing became of it) Being with someone shouldn't be a struggle. I'm needy I require a lot of attention but I don't want too much. (someone said I should wear a T-shirt with 'High Maintainance' written on it) He had wrong timing for me. You need to be with someone who has a free heart, i believe his was/is not. We met under pretty good circumstances (as in situation wise even though it was on the 12:35am Werribee line train) but had sex too early. Sex and Love should come hand in hand and not treated separately. And most importantly - I will never have casual sex again; it's not my style.

The thing is, I use to see the formation of couples as two worlds colliding. Now its more like two items drifting in space that meet and bond.

Another chapter of my life just past.

How do you select your perfume?

I remember my mother use to have 2 bottles of perfume. On sunny days she would wear one, and rainy days the other. (This was when we were in Singapore and there would only be rainy and sunny days and little in between)

On sunny days if she had the time, we'd bathe the dog, blow dry it and to finish off she'd sprinkle the dog with her perfume. Then she'd turn to me and give me the bottle. I'd giggle and bathe myself in "Sunny Spray". I want to smell like sunny days everyday.

I use Hugo Red.

I kinda smells like the perfume my mum use to use, but its not exactly right. I'm still in search for my Sunny Spray.

How do you search for your perfume?

Whats Yours Will be Yours. Love? Mine?

Take a bow.
...
I've always been in love with you.
the show is over say goodbye.
say goodbye.

I met this guy.
Had sex with him.
Was disgusted that I had sex with him... I vomited when I left his place. I can't tell if I was mentally or physically sick because the next day I vomited too and again on 2 other occasions; I've also never had casual sex before so this was an interesting experience. (you have to understand that i've been really sick for the past 3 weeks and i hadn't been getting better. I've been coughing heaps... and it gets to a point where I cough so much i want to vomit) Why did I vomit? still not sure.
Had sex with him again and it was good sex! (no vomit this time)
Had sex with him for the third time - it wasn't so great but he started showing me more about him. He didn't say much but I can tell that he's a little bit better than me in most aspects. He's older, more experienced, more honest, smarter, more stubborn... just more than me; he's more complete even if he's not rich but he's rich in almost all other aspects. He's even got more love to give. This is where i started to feel scared because I could love this character. He asked me to stay the night, called me an idiot after telling him I need to end whatever that was happening. I feel like an idiot - I don't follow my heart.

Next morning I went out and bought wool to knit him a scarf; also bought 'Something to Remember'-Madonna. I wanted to send the scarf to him (snail mail). I wasn't sure if I wanted to give it to him or not, but I started knitting. It calmed me down, and I knew while I was knitting it was the right decision to end whatever that was happening, I won't get hurt. I've been hurt alot. I don't want to be hurt again.

Do I just want to love someone? I want to give love. Why can't I concentrate that love for my family? Why does it have to be for a romantic ...

So, today was the 2nd day of knitting this scarf. I watched "the family stone" during this time... I'm scared of losing my mum. I should be spending as much with her as possible. I think I will be very unhappy knowing that i didn't spend enough time with my mother. She needs to receive more love from her children we've only caused her grief. I'm scared that I might not have enough time to show her I love her. If I let myself love someone romantically it would cut into the time that I could spend with my mum. Noone is worth enough to do that. But would my mum be happy knowing that i'm sacrificing true love for her (true love in general not this case in particular)? For Cindy? For studies as well? Anyway, so i'm knitting this scarf and I've finished it; I just have to put tassles on and tidy it up and... he messages me again and i can't resist but go back to see him again. (he doesn't like me enough to call(don't know if that should be a statement or question.))
(at this point of have Norah Jones singing in my head "lines on your face don't bother me.... I've got to see you gain!")

What was I drawn to? The attention? The sex? Him?

This time we do not have sex.
I lived in that moment.

I left his place crying. He didn't see me cry. It hurt more walking away from him than it did walking away from my 3 year relationship.

I do have my monthly friend, so these thoughts and emotions might not even be true(?).